Ralph James

Sixpack Annie

In the Southern United States community of Titwillow, two attractive young women, Annie (Lindsay Bloom) and Mary Lou (Jana Bellan) are on their way to work at the diner. Annie is behind the wheel of the pickup truck and speeds while drinking beer. The local redneck law officer, Sheriff Waters (Joe Higgins) pursues the truck to the diner but, upon entering, steps on a banana peel and takes a pratfall to the delight of diner old-timers Hank (Doodles Weaver) and Luke (Ronald Marriott) who were watching the peel. The girls' employer, Aunt Tess (Danna Hansen), is on the verge of losing her place to the banker, Mr. Piker (Donald Elson), because she is 5,641 dollars and 87 cents behind on the mortgage. Sheriff Waters arrests Annie and her boyfriend Bobby Joe (Bruce Boxleitner) for nude swimming, but later releases her and offers to pay Aunt Tess' indebtedness if Annie would marry him. When Annie comes to him, however, he admits to having only a hundred dollars, intending to make up the remainder from "collecting parking tickets". Annie and Mary Lou drive to Miami where Annie's sister Flora (Louisa Moritz) lives in an elegant apartment, hoping to borrow the mortgage money from her, but Flora's inadequate earnings appear to derive from men who pay her for sexually entertaining them. One of her customers, a nervous married man (Sid Melton), develops a sneezing problem and hides in a large wicker basket when Annie and Mary Lou arrive. Flora suggests that Annie find a sugar daddy to fund her needs, but wealthy Frenchman Louis Danton (Oscar Cartier) is revealed to have a Napoleon complex, replete with uniform, sword and wooden horse head on a stick. Mr. O'Meyer (Raymond Danton), a confidence trickster, who also calls himself "Oscar Meyer", claims to be "as rich as Rockefeller", but after tricking Annie into an intimate encounter, steals what little money she had and leaves her a note signed "The City Slicker". Finally, another candidate, moneyed Texan Jack Whittlestone (Richard Kennedy) turns out to have a violently possessive wife Edna (Montana Smoyer) who pushes a shotgun barrel up to his nose. Discouraged and disillusioned, Annie and Mary Lou return to the diner in Titwillow where, just as Sheriff Waters and banker Piker arrive to finalize the foreclosure, Mr. Bates (Stubby Kaye), a salesman who is also a jewelry collector, examines Annie's necklace and offers her 7,000 dollars for it. The frustrated sheriff puts his wide-brimmed hat, into which Mary Lou had poured milk, on his head and, on his way out, bumps into a midget baker (unbilled Billy Barty) carrying white cream pies, one of which winds up smeared over the sheriff's face.