COME PLAY WITH ME

Cornelius Clapworthy and his sidekick Maurice Kelly are two elderly forgers responsible for flooding the UK with fake banknotes. On the run from their gangster boss Slasher and effeminate, cross-dressing government official Podsnap, the pair escape to the Scottish Highlands and, posing as musicians, hide out at Bovington Manor, a hotel owned by Lady Bovington, who is attempting and failing to run it as a health farm.

The Manor has very few guests, and Clapworthy and Kelly find themselves free to continue their criminal activities, albeit having to constantly recite "O for the Wings of a Dove" on a portable organ to drown out the noise of the printing press that produces the fake banknotes. However, when Lady Bovington’s choreographer nephew Rodney and his troupe of dancing girls arrive at the Manor, business picks up considerably when the girls, vaguely under the leadership of Rena, decide to help Lady Bovington out by dressing as nurses and re-opening the Manor as a brothel, albeit using the health farm facilities, with topless massages and "the full treatment" being the order of the day. This means trouble and unwanted attention for Clapworthy and Kelly, especially when the girls’ services attract Slasher and his heavies to the Manor.